Grief, a natural human response to loss, affects everyone differently. But for children, navigating its complexities can be especially challenging. As a parent, caregiver, or loved one, witnessing a child’s grief can feel incredibly heavy.
Helping children cope with grief is a gift you can give them, helping them heal and move forward with love in their hearts.
What Not to Do When a Child is Grieving
Our hearts ache to shield children from pain, especially the profound grief that comes with loss.
However, in our well-meaning efforts, we might unknowingly create roadblocks on their path to healing. Here are some ways to navigate this sensitive space and ensure your support empowers your child’s grieving process:
Minimizing Their Feelings:
Phrases like “Don’t be sad” or “They’re in a better place now” might seem comforting on the surface. But they can unintentionally dismiss the very real emotions your child is experiencing.
Grief is a complex landscape, and emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion are all valid parts of the process. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel however they feel.
Shying Away from the Topic:
When a loss occurs, the natural tendency might be to avoid conversations about it, fearing it will upset the child further. However, this silence can leave them feeling isolated and confused. Create a safe space where your child feels comfortable asking questions and talking about the person they lost.
Look at photos together, share stories, or read children’s books about grief that can open the door to gentle discussions.
Putting on a Brave Face:
It’s perfectly okay for your child to see you grieving too.
Children are perceptive and will pick up on your emotions regardless. Bottling up your own sadness might send the unintended message that sadness is something to be hidden. Let your child know it’s okay to cry, to be sad, and to miss the person they lost.
Expecting a Linear Path:
Grief is not a linear journey.
There will be good days and bad days, with emotions like anger, sadness, and even guilt surfacing at different times. Be patient with your child’s journey. Some days they might seem happy and playful, while other days they might be withdrawn or tearful. This is all a normal part of processing loss.
Remember, your role is to be a safe and supportive presence during this difficult time. Listen with an open heart, validate their feelings, and let them know you’re there for them every step of the way.
Which Strategies Are Effective in Helping Children Cope with Grief?
1. Open Communication:
Create a safe and loving space for your child to express their feelings, fears, and questions about the loss. Use age-appropriate language and answer honestly, even if it means having difficult conversations.
Consider reading children’s books about grief together, which can spark discussions in a gentle way.
2. Encourage Emotional Expression:
Not all children are comfortable expressing emotions verbally. Art, music, play, and journaling can be valuable tools for them to process their grief. Let them express themselves creatively, and help them find healthy outlets for their emotions.
3. Maintaining Routines:
Creating stability during a time of loss is essential. Maintaining regular routines for meals, sleep, and school provides a sense of normalcy and comfort for children.
4. Memories and Rituals:
Encourage your child to share happy memories of the person they lost. Look at photos together, tell stories, or create a special memory box filled with keepsakes. Consider creating rituals, such as planting a tree in their loved one’s honor or releasing balloons with messages of love.
5. Seeking Professional Support:
If your child’s grief seems overwhelming or interferes with their daily life for a long time, consider seeking professional support from a therapist or counselor specializing in children’s grief.
How Does Grief Affect a Child's Brain?
Our hearts ache to shield children from pain, especially the profound grief that comes with loss.
However, in our well-meaning efforts, we might unknowingly create roadblocks on their path to healing. Here are some ways to navigate this sensitive space and ensure your support empowers your child’s grieving process:
Minimizing Their Feelings:
Phrases like “Don’t be sad” or “They’re in a better place now” might seem comforting on the surface. But they can unintentionally dismiss the very real emotions your child is experiencing.
Grief is a complex landscape, and emotions like sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion are all valid parts of the process. Let your child know that it’s okay to feel however they feel.
Shying Away from the Topic:
When a loss occurs, the natural tendency might be to avoid conversations about it, fearing it will upset the child further. However, this silence can leave them feeling isolated and confused. Create a safe space where your child feels comfortable asking questions and talking about the person they lost.
Look at photos together, share stories, or read children’s books about grief that can open the door to gentle discussions.
Putting on a Brave Face:
It’s perfectly okay for your child to see you grieving too.
Children are perceptive and will pick up on your emotions regardless. Bottling up your own sadness might send the unintended message that sadness is something to be hidden. Let your child know it’s okay to cry, to be sad, and to miss the person they lost.
Expecting a Linear Path:
Grief is not a linear journey.
There will be good days and bad days, with emotions like anger, sadness, and even guilt surfacing at different times. Be patient with your child’s journey. Some days they might seem happy and playful, while other days they might be withdrawn or tearful. This is all a normal part of processing loss.
Remember, your role is to be a safe and supportive presence during this difficult time. Listen with an open heart, validate their feelings, and let them know you’re there for them every step of the way.
What To Look For:
While some temporary changes in behavior and emotions are normal during grief, there are signs that might indicate your child could benefit from professional support:
Prolonged Difficulty Concentrating or Completing Schoolwork: If your child struggles in school for weeks or months after a loss, it could be a sign that grief is significantly impacting their cognitive function.
Persistent Changes in Sleep or Appetite: Significant changes in sleep patterns, either difficulty sleeping or excessive sleepiness, or changes in appetite that can lead to weight loss or gain, can be indicators of complicated grief.
Social Withdrawal or Isolation: Children who are grieving might isolate themselves from friends and family activities. While some alone time is normal, persistent withdrawal could be a cause for concern.
Self-Destructive Behaviors: Behaviors like aggression, substance abuse, or reckless activities can sometimes be signs of a child struggling to cope with grief.
In Summary
Supporting a child through grief requires immense love, patience, and understanding. By creating a safe space for open communication, encouraging emotional expression, and maintaining routines, you can help your child navigate this difficult time.
Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Reach out to us at Your Best Self to find out how we can help you and your child cope with grief.
For additional information and support, consider reaching out to organizations like The National Alliance for Grieving Children (https://nacg.org/) or The Dougy Center (https://www.dougy.org/grief-support-resources).